A faith that keeps me going

Even when things continue to be hard. Sometimes faith is the only thing that helps me keep perspective and keep going even though things keep changing our "plans" in this life. It is the knowledge that we have a loving Heavenly Father who knows our strengths especially in times of trial that helps the most. It is the knowledge that we have a Savior who knows exactly how we feel when we are burdened with things in life and that He knows how to help us get through our trials and help us lift our burdens. I know that I'm not alone. And I am grateful.

People willing to serve

I've been trying really hard to pray before we go to church for help and guidance to get through the day without being frustrated and feeling lonely. It's been really hard for me to have a better attitude about this calling. I know that it's important to serve and that I need to have a better attitude about it. I just feel that at this time in my life I need to be able to attend Relief Society and get to know some ladies there and feel like I have people to talk to. Well, yesterday Sis. Rogers came in to help her little boy with a talk. She always asks me how I'm doing and that alone makes me smile and feel a bit better. I was honest with her and explained my struggles. She said that we should try to have a little get-together. She also said she was sure I'd be blessed for my service. (Lots of people say that.) Later the primary president came in and came over to talk to me. She said that Sister Rogers volunteered to teach my class once a month so that I could go to relief society. I was so surprised and overwhelmed. I talked to her after the meeting and thanked her. I hope she knows how grateful I truly am for her willingness to be of service to me and her kindness. And I hope that being able to attend RS once a month will allow me to make some friends and be able to uplift my spirit.

Some thoughts from the past few weeks

We left so quick to go to my mom's house and then it seemed like we were gone forever. Then when we got home it seemed like we were never really there and it was all a dream. My emotions have been playing some mean games since before my grandma passed. For a few weeks before I have been fighting with myself about whether or not to talk to a doctor about depression. I haven't felt like myself for a while and I'm rarely motivated to do anything more than crawl out of bed some days. I think of my Grandma's passing as a great blessing, not only for her, but for me because I had been so lonely and down for the past while. It made me so happy to see my family and loved ones.

I was great at home with family and the minute we walked in the door last thursday (have we been back a whole week already... geez) I felt like a palpable weight was placed onto my shoulders. I started bawling and had a really rough time for the rest of the day. The weekend was better because I was so busy. Then monday I woke up with a stomach bug and spent about 5 hours in bed that day. Not fun. My appetite has yet to fully return but I guess that's not a really bad thing, right? ;)

So on monday while I was sick I decided to call Kohls and find out what the deal was with them never calling me about my drug test results. If you'll remember I went to the group interview on March 21, a friday. Was called the following monday, march 24 and told that they needed me to go take a drug test within 24 hours. So I packed up the kids tuesday morning, the 25th, and drove in to take the drug test. They said they would call me and let me know when they got the results. So I never heard and I never heard. I called them the next monday to ask how long it usually takes and I was told 4 days at the most. So I expected a call by the next day but it never came. I decided to just be patient. Well, I still never heard from them. So fast forward to monday. I called them and finally got my results... negative (as if it would be any different... hee hee). So the guy tells me that I need to talk to this other person but she was at lunch so I needed to call back later. So being sick, I went to sleep for a couple hours. When I woke up I called back. Well.... today I go for orientation at 3:30. I have a lot of feelings. I am excited if you can believe it. I'm also a bit sad that I have to get a job but I'm grateful that it will be in the evenings when Trev can be home with the kids. I'm excited because I will get out of the house and hopefully make some friends. I know that some ladies from my ward work there in the evenings so hopefully I will get to know some of them better. I need that. It will also force me to be more outgoing and that's something I need as well.

I am also grateful to see Heavenly Father's hand in our lives. I firmly believe that I didn't hear from them about my drug test before because He knew that we would need to rush out of town because it was Grandma's time to return to Him. I also know that it's through faith and prayer that I was able to be hired so soon and with only really applying at one place. And that it's so close to home. There are so many blessings. We have also been blessed a bit in the financial sense. Trev's first paycheck of the month was over $2000 and I went shopping and paid bills as usual and we had extra left. And it's wonderful because since we had to leave and Trev didn't work for 4 days (he took 3 of them as sick days so only one was totally unpaid) this paycheck we got today was about $400-500 less than it usually is (he usually works 10 hour days or so and that gives us a lot of overtime pay). But because we were at my mom's for a week, I only have to buy one week's worth of groceries today instead of two and we will have an entire extra check next month because he gets paid every two weeks. AND (as if there could be more) I am grateful for out tax refund. We were able to pay off 3 whole credit cards and because of that we were able to use one for our gas and hotel rooms on our trip where we wouldn't have had enough of our limit left to afford it at all if we hadn't been able to pay it off. And because of people that love us so much we have an extra $200 to put towards that new balance. Trev's mom slipped a $100 check into his pocket when we stopped in Salt Lake to visit with them on our way to my mom's house. And my sweet Grandpa, who is nothing but generous and loving, sent us $100 in the mail to help us pay for our gas to get home.

I'm so grateful for the blessings that come from seemingly nowhere in our lives sometimes. I didn't think this post was going to be so long but I'm glad it is. I'm bawling and I feel so full inside right now with gratitude.

I am also grateful for all of you, my friends. I know I vent and complain to some of you quite often and I'm grateful that you are willing to listen and help me work through things. You all mean so much to me and I love you so very much.

A peaceful day

Yesterday I woke up sick to my stomach. It zapped my energy and I was exhausted. And anyone with children knows that it's not often that you can just lay around all day if you don't feel well. But yesterday my children were little angels. I spent about 5-6 hours of my day in bed (or in the bathroom) and the kids were great. They didn't fight. They didn't bother me. They just hung out and watched tv all day (thank heaven for cartoons). I am grateful for that peaceful rest they gave me so that I could feel better today.

And Treven got home and brought gatorade and 7up for me. He let me take a long bath/shower while he did the dishes, fed the kids dinner, cleaned them up, and put them to bed. I love him. He's awesome! :)

Eternal Life

With the passing of my grandmother, I have been reflecting often on the blessing of Eternal life. The knowledge that we have that our spirit lives on brings such wonderful peace. I am so grateful for our Savior who died for us and was Resurrected so that we all can live again. I'm grateful for the peace that it brings to my heart to know that I will see my loved ones again.