Update to my last post

I received a second "Christmas Jar" on Christmas Eve. It was a really cute jar that had been decorated and had a ribbon and said... TO: April FROM: Santa. The Lord works in mysterious ways, that's for sure. When I counted it a few days later it contained $118.05 mostly in change. I am definitely so blessed!

So blessed

I haven't posted for a little while and I have received many blessings. When I moved here all of the ladies in the ward were reading The Christmas Jar. I'd never read it before so I borrowed one and read it. It was a great book about giving to others and generosity and love for others. In it a family decided one Christmas to save their change in a jar and then give the jar to someone for Christmas. By the end of the book, the "Christmas Jar" had come full circle. The woman they gave the first jar to ended up bringing them one in the end. Anyway... I have a point... :) A few weeks ago a lady from my ward came to the door and asked for me. When I got to the door she handed me a small jar full of change. She said she wanted to give me her "Christmas Jar" because she felt like I was amazing and trying so hard to be a good example to my kids. I was surprised and extremely grateful. When I counted the money there were a $50 bill and 2 $20 bills in the jar along with the change. It was a total of over $120. It was immediately appreciated and most of it used. I can't thank her enough for thinking of me.

Since the 12th of December I've also been blessed to receive a small gift and story each night. Someone chose my little family to do The Twelve Days of Christmas for. It's been fun and exciting to wait for the doorbell each night. I hope in two days I will be able to find out who the sweet little elves are :)

And then tonight. I had already received my little gift for the day and the doorbell rang so we knew it was a person... hee hee. My dad answered the door and then said it was for me. I went to the door and our bishop was standing there with an envelope. He said the Stake President had given it to him and said that every year someone in the community is very generous and ask each ward to choose someone to give it to. I was again overwhelmed. He left and I opened the card to find $500 cash inside it. I promptly went into my room and had a good cry and a prayer of thanks.

It's just so amazing to realize that people are thinking of me more than I know. That people are aware of my and my situation and want to help me out. I know I am so greatly blessed and I am so very grateful for every single one.

Small and simple things

So I have quite a few days where I just feel a little bit pooey (for complete lack of a more appropriate word). I get down in the dumps and feeling sorry for myself and wonder what will help me get out of it this time. Well, here's an example of the small and simple things that Heavenly Father uses to tell me I'm important and special and I am doing a good job and that He has a plan for me.

A couple weeks ago I was feeling crummy again and I prayed before bed asking that maybe I could find something in the scriptures that night that might help raise my spirits a little bit. I think it was before I was even done praying that I felt I should read in the Doctrine and Covenants. I hadn't read in there for a long time so I picked it up. I turned to Secton 25 where Emma Smith is given the revelation and told to make a book of hymns, among other things. It's a beautiful section and I love reading it but that's not what it was that made me feel better. The particular scriptures I picked up had been my seminary scriptures so they are just full of extra stuff. Right at Section 25, I have a "glue-in" from seminary. (A glue-in is a small paper with a thought or something that goes with the scriptures on those pages). This is what it says...

"To be a righteous woman is a glorious thing in any age. To be a righteous woman during the winding up scenes on this earth, before the second coming of our Savior, is an especially noble calling.
The righteous woman's strength and influence today can be tenfold what it might be in more tranquil times....
Other institutions in society may falter and even fail, but the righteous woman can help save the home which may be the last and only sanctuary some mortals know in the midst of storm and strife."
-- Spencer W. Kimball

That just made me feel really good. I am trying to be a righteous woman and how important is that for my family, my children especially.... Especially at this time in our lives. It just gave me the courage to keep doing my best, keep doing what I should do, being a good example and trying to teach my children what's right. It made me feel proud of myself for trying to keep on doing what's right. You've got to love the small and simple things.

Good tonsilectomy and having my kids back again

Kamaryn had to have her tonsils and adenoids out yesterday. Everything went well and she seems to be recovering just fine other than being a little grumpy at medicine time. I am grateful for doctors and their knowledge. I am grateful for my mom who went with me to the surgery. I am grateful that I took a puke bucket in the car on the way home even if I didn't grab it in time :) I am grateful that we traveled safely.

Treven had the kids for most of the past week. He came and picked them up last thursday and brought Kamaryn to me on monday so she could have her surgery on tuesday morning. My boys came home tonight. It is so glad to have their sweet little faces here again. I missed them very much. Ashton has got a good head bonk from falling down but hopefully it's nothing to worry about. I'm grateful he's acting like himself. I'm grateful for Kyler's hugs and Ashton's smile. And Kamaryns stubbornness... believe it or not :)

I'm grateful for my motherhood.

A wonderful meeting

It is Stake Conference weekend here. Tonight they had an adult meeting. I almost didn't want to go but decided to since, hey.... how often do I get to go to a meeting without the distraction of the children :) A good part of the meeting was about family and husband/wife and parents/children things. Some of it was very difficult for me because of the current circumstances in my life. But I kept listening. The Stake President spoke at the end and he spoke about how Loving Heavenly Father and feeling his love is the most important thing. That no matter how much we might feel like we aren't succeeding in other aspects of life that the number one thing should be our testimony and relationship with our Savior. And that we should let Him share our burdens. That touched me greatly and really put things into perspective for me. We sang "I Believe in Christ" for the closing hymn. I've sung that song many many times and it's almost ingrained in my memory but tonight the 4th verse stood out like it never had before...

I believe in Christ; he stands supreme!
From him I’ll gain my fondest dream;
And while I strive through grief and pain,
His voice is heard: “Ye shall obtain.”
I believe in Christ; so come what may,
With him I’ll stand in that great day
When on this earth he comes again
To rule among the sons of men.

I am going through much grief and pain as all of you know. But I know my Savior knows me and He has carried me though thus far and I know He will continue to help me carry my burdens and as long as I remain faithful I will make it through this. Everything will be ok.

Friends

I can not express enough gratitude for my true and wonderful friends. At this difficult time in my life they remain constant and true and unmoving in their love and concern for me. They are more valuable to me than most anything on this earth (my children coming first, of course). :) I just want to say that I love and appreciate each one of them and I thank my Heavenly Father daily for them in my life.

Being Carried...

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints in the sand,

is when I carried you."

Mary Stevenson

I know I have been carried at times throughout all of this. I have not felt much of the burden. I am so grateful to my Savior for knowing how to carry me through it all.